The Horny Morning

Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing a few of my favorite wake-and-bake recipes. Almost all of them will feature a Hippie Speedball of some kind. Waking-and-baking without a Hippie Speedball, to me, is a bit like drinking beer without gluten; it’s a bit weird and I don’t do it, but hey, there are some pretty good gluten-free beers! So I’ll find a couple of recipes without the coffee. This ain’t one of them.

I’ve included the recipe that was inspired by this story. I call it the Horny Morning. Really, this wake-and-bake functions to inspire confidence within us, and to help us feel energy surging through the pelvis. This is also completely gender-inclusive; some routines claim to activate different hormones and such, and I claim no such thing. This is more meant to help you loosen your hips, get those puppies warmed up a little bit, and to help you feel your core and hone your mind-body connection.

 “This is where the fun begins!”

– Anakin Skywalker, in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Supplies

  • Half of a lemon
  • 1 pint of water, cold but not ice-cold
  • 3 pints of water, room-temp to kinda cold
  • Large bubbler -or- small to medium-small bong
  • Lighter and hemp wick
  • CBD-heavy, indica-dominant hybrid
  • Light or medium roast coffee, South American beans
  • Yoga mat, blocks if necessary
  • Dumbbells (optional)

The Happening

  1. Good morning, friend:) Get up, if someone is with you, try not to disturb them. Don’t dilly dally.
  2. Go have some spicy water! Squeeze your lemon half into your pint of colder water, stare at it in fear, and down it.
  3. Brew your coffee as you like it, and stick with one cup. It’s very important for this recipe to brew your own coffee; part of the Horny Morning is recognizing your own skill and accomplishment and reaping its benefits. Do some work here, it’s worth it.
  4. A nice thing about the Horny Morning is that it’s designed to allow you to fall asleep after some time, or to enjoy more coffee with your partner afterward. Keep it light with the coffee, and you’ll thank me later.
  5. While the coffee is gurgling, set up your sesh spot. It’s nice if your bong is clean, but not required. Definitely give it a rinsey rinse if you haven’t in a while.
  6. Turn on some music if you’re feeling it! Some people prefer to listen to birds or city sounds, and that’s cool. If you’re not one of those people, I recommend some high-energy soul, R&B, or funk for this Speedball. Your hips shouldn’t be able to keep still.  – This article will be updated soon with a Horny Morning playlist on Spotify!
  7. Once your sesh spot is set and your coffee is brewed, enjoy the Speedball! Don’t forget to use hemp wick (butane from a lighter can feel icky), and really focus on feeling your airways. Pay attention to the cannabis as it enters your mind, and the caffeine as it brings energy into your nerves

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